I almost hate to do this.

Ladies and Gentlemen, we interrupt our regular programming to bring you this important message. Due to continuing verbal threats which have been both unsportsmanlike and bordering on grammatically incoherent, straight from the darkroom regrets to announce the following escalation in severity of the ongoing “spat” between David P. Ball and David Parsons.

I hoped it wouldn’t have to come to this David, but you leave me no choice. Following is a visual metaphor; my own stepping-to-the-plate of this toe-to-toe webslinging.

David Ball vs. David Parsons: Mullet vs. Style

I have been bold, David, and I risk grave offense, but such are the choices we make — and live with — in the fast paced world of self-portraits and -haircuts; both with the aid of the bathroom mirror.

As you may recall, the last mullet I had was in solidarity with you as you faced the bombing of Beirut. I maintained that mullet, nurtured that mullet, and allowed it to flourish until the day I saw you safely return to Toronto. And just as that mullet was a symbol through which I stood with you, so, I fear, this one is a symbol by which I stand alone.

Do you see the style, the fashion-sense with which we are each represented here. One, you, old-school; stuck in the past; living a sweaty-hockey-equipment-rotting-in-the-basement, Stanley-Cup-a-million-miles-away dream; full of sound and fury, signifying nothing. One, me, living into the future; Michael J. Fox sneakers fresh from the DeLorean; opening tin-cans of bald-eagle caviar soufflé with the push of a soft-touch button; self-portrait-with-Stanley-Cup resting on the Brazilian rosewood mantle. Your haircut says, “Can I borrow a No. 2B pencil for my science test?” David, and mine says, “I just got back from DisneyLand.”

You: David Hasselhoff.
Me: David Beckham.

I trust that I make myself clear.

The gauntlet has been cast down, David. Please make your response, and I will post it here.

Godspeed dear brother.

For a brief history of the ongoing conflict, please see the following post and subsequent comment.

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